Redeemer Presbyterian Church
Excluding weddings and funerals, last Sunday I went to church for the first time in over a decade.
I chose the Redeemer Presbyterian Church based on the recommendation of a poster in the religion forum thread I started. It wasn’t until later that I learned my mother belonged to the same religion, although the service I chose to attend was not her regular one.
The subways ran into delays, causing me to worry that I would show up late and stand out more. Instead I showed up just in time to join the dozens of other people entering the church, bright jazz music greeting us.
It was difficult to shake the feeling of being an outsider. Not just a non-believer, but one that was attending without any real desire or intention to convert. I was certain I stood out in some way, that I would be stopped at the door and questioned, or pointed out in the middle of the service.
Nothing of the sort happened, of course. I walked into a nearly full church, looking a bit uncertain where to sit, but as a single person I was soon ushered into an open space in the second row. Once seated the nervousness subsided, but I can’t say I felt completely comfortable.
This certainly wasn’t the fault of the church or the service. As first experiences go, it couldn’t have been better. The music, as mentioned before, was not the usual Catholic hymns I remember from my youth, but modern jazz played and sung by talented, passionate people. The room was smaller and cozier than the standard expansive church, although it retained the basic structure so there was no doubt where I was. The people were warm and friendly, especially the speakers.
I had been told about the church founder, Timothy Keller, by both the forum poster and my mother. He lived up to his reputation as an intelligent, engaging speaker. I enjoyed the investigative, questioning way he approached the Bible, puzzling out the meaning of events and scripture. I didn’t need to be a believer to agree with a lot of what he had to say, and the general spirit aligned with what I had been reading of Buddhism.
Beyond being the first time I’d attended church in a decade, it is also the first time I ever went on my own accord. Although I didn’t complain or resist (much) going as a child and teenager, it was always at someone else’s behest. This week it was completely my decision, and it was much the better for it. I was more interested and engaged, less likely to check my watch. I’ve always felt that the best way for people to find religion is on their own terms, and this has only strengthened that belief.
I also had the fortune to attend on a day that four new members were added to the church. They went up in front of the congregation and professed their beliefs. I followed along, wondering if I could see myself saying the same thing one day. So far I can’t.
As enjoyable an experience as it was I’m no closer to a conversion. I believe in the spiritual, I believe in the philosophies of love and compassion, I just fall short of believing in the Bible as truth. Still, I’m looking forward to visiting other services, and returning to Redeemer Presbyterian.
